April 27, 2008 at 6:38 am (Uncategorized)
I think I have Battlestar Galactica all figured out. All you have to do is strip away the premises that everyone seems to accept for no reason, and the clues are there. There’s just a lot of extra noise and hilarious invisble sex to distract you.
I really hope I’m right-it’s the only logical way the story can end. I sent an e-mail to a friend telling her the details. When the show’s over, I’ll post it here.
April 23, 2008 at 11:48 am (Uncategorized)
*This post refers to two previous blog posts:
this one
and this one
And to the Amazon.com review I posted here. *
As a follow-up to the critique of “Enchanted” I posted on Amazon, we had another one today! I thought for a long time about how to respond. Here’s the post, and my response follows:
J. Carroll says:hidden_divs.push(’postHidden_Mx2RC035CK1VZMN’); revealed_divs.push(’postRevealed_Mx2RC035CK1VZMN’); show_all_spans.push(’showAll_Mx2RC035CK1VZMN’);
I completely agree with you. Disney has to stop with this garbage. I mean mermaids should want to get out of the ocean because they want to contribute to the world, not because some handsome guy lives there. I, for one, am really looking forward to Disney’s next movie, “Enchanted: Part 2″ where the prince cheats on the princess, proving that all men are scum. Then Giselle dumps him, goes to college, and becomes a working woman who lives in a NYC apartment, takes public transportation, and pays bills. When my daughter complains that the movie is boring, I’ll just explain to her that this is the “real world”, and she can learn a thing or two.
This movie is supposed to be a whimsical take on fairy tales, like Shrek. Disney is being clever by poking fun at themselves. The stereotypes are meant to be over-the-top to show how ridiculous they are, but it is still a Disney fairy tale.
Men have to deal with the dumb stereotypes as well. If I see another commercial where a woman talks about sending her stupid husband to the grocery store, but he can’t just find anything (HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!), I’m going to puke. Get over yourself and your woman’s lib agenda. People come here looking for reviews on the movie, not your stupid opinion. Oh, and by the way, if you are going to try and write an intelligent review discussing how women should not be portrayed as uneducated, please proof read your response first.
Jill From Seattle says:If you disagree with something I said, tell me what you disagree with instead of telling me I have a “women’s lib agenda” and attacking my proof-reading skills. That’s an ad hominem argument, which carries no weight whatsoever, and actually renders your entire response invalid. Nowhere did I claim to be super-educated, or “try to write an intelligent review.” I wrote my review, and made no claims that it was more or less valid than anybody else’s. You disagree. That’s fine. But when you take a negative movie review personally, and then make a personal attack on the reviewer, it says more about your character than it does about the reviewer or the content of the review.
Women’s lib? What? Did you miss the parts of my review in which I pointed out the terrible male stereotypes also? Very few men are scum, and like you, I hate those commercials too. Man like the food and the sports and drink of the beer. Woman clean the house and gossip with girlfriends and kiss the boo-boo. Oh, and when they say men can’t ask for directions? Just as annoying. Men and women are equally stupid and are equally responsible for the propagation of stereotypes.
Disney may be trying to be clever and poke fun at itself, but my point was, it failed miserably. There were some really funny parts in the movie that worked well, like the princess calling all the city animals to clean the apartment and help her make a new dress.
I just didn’t agree with the message the movie sent. And you didn’t agree with my opinion. And you called it my “stupid opinion,” which leads me to believe that YOU are the one with an agenda.
Proof-read? There weren’t any spelling or grammar errors in either of my posts. I don’t need to explain my education to you or anyone. You’re the one putting words into my mouth. It’s not my fault if you spell them wrong.
Obviously, I didn’t expect many people to agree with what I wrote. I’m not trying to start a revolution or anything, I was stating my opinion about the movie, and I know for a fact that I’m not the only person who had this reaction. I thought it was important for people to have a dissenting view, backed up with logical reasoning and backed up with examples from the movie. I just pointed out some things that I find important. If you disagree, or find my perspective irrelevant, that is fine. I welcome discourse about any topic I touch on in a review. I do not, however, welcome accusations of having an agenda, especially a “women’s lib” agenda. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. If you had read my review closely, you might see past what you wanted and expected to see.
Until you can learn to make a relevant argument against my review and not put words in my mouth and ignore entire sections of a review, I’ll have you on my “ignored” list. I don’t mean to invalidate your opinion. My only aim here is to avoid reading further personal attacks. The first person to respond to my review said straight out that they didn’t agree with me, and thought it was silly that I read so deeply into a “fun” film. She asked for clarification, and I gave it to her. I even clicked on the “I found this post added to the conversation” or whatever the button says as a thank-you. If people think I’m bonkers, that’s fine, as long as their opinion is based on something I actually said or wrote.
It isn’t your disagreement or incredulity or even impoliteness that I don’t care for. It’s your lack of relevance and reading comprehension. If you can put together an argument about something I actually SAID, I’d be happy to read what you had to say. Until then, I have you set to “ignore.”
April 20, 2008 at 4:20 am (Uncategorized)
I just watched an incredible documentary on a photographer who lives in an Indian brothel in Calcutta, and she befriends the kids and does all she can to try to help them get better lives for themselves. It was absolutely heartbreaking.
And still, the least-funny thing I’ve seen in the past 10 days is last week’s Saturday Night Live.
While I’m at it, “Across the Universe” BLOWS as a movie. However, the soundtrack is more than stunning. Dana Fuchs…where did she come from, and why haven’t I heard of her before? Oh, and I must of course give credit where it’s due. Bono was absolutely hilarious as The Walrus, and Eddie Izzard was surreal as always. I LOVE that high-heel wearing Englishman! I love to speculate on what his home looks like.
But yeah. Buy the soundtrack to “Across the Universe.” It’s worth it.
April 19, 2008 at 2:16 am (Uncategorized)
First, let me say that I am not a man-hater or necessarily a feminist. I’m all for equality, though. I’m not a troll, either. I’m not trying to be inflammatory. And no, I am not a hippy all stinky with patchouli and wet wool, and I am NOT voting for Hillary Clinton.
I just finished watching the movie “Enchanted,” which is one of Disney’s new, modern, feel-good romances, starring Amy Adams and that guy who was cute in the 80s, then got plastic surgery and is now on Grey’s Anatomy.
The movie started great. The princess, a total moron, falls for a prince, who is also a total moron, simply because they heard each other singing in the forest. It was a great setup. Then they all become “real,” and are suddenly in Manhattan.
The Grey’s Anatomy Yutz (let’s just call him G.A.Y.), of course, falls instantly for the vacuous princess, and his fiance, who is an intelligent woman with (GASP)a career, sort of figures it out, but is okay with the whole thing.
Career women don’t mind being tossed aside, and in the name of Disney-brand “true love,” she ends up falling for the stupid, effeminate prince. Because surely, she must secretly want to be “the man” in the relationship.
In the finale, the queen, played by Susan Sarandon, turns into a dragon and is portrayed as an evil uber-bitch as she wants to keep her crown rather than leave it to her Forrest-Gumpy stepson, the effeminate prince. So she gets killed (to great cheers from the imagined audience), G.A.Y. of course ends up with the moron Amy Adams princess, and the effeminate prince gets the “smart,” but oddly emotionless former G.A.Y. fiance by default. Everybody’s happy, and the credits roll.
Am I the only one who was actually REALLY upset by this ending? I am actually still in a messy, slobbery rage over yet another misogynist-disguised-as-moralistic movie in which being a woman completely dependent on some man swooping in to SAVE her is the best thing to be?
That “true-love’s kiss” is the most powerful thing in the world?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
It’s 2008, and yet everyone in the world (even outside Taliban-controlled areas of the world) seems to think it’s the middle ages as far as women are concerned.
According to Disney, these are the rules:
-If we women are meek, stupid, frail and pretty, we are in GREAT shape. We will get a man, who will make our lives complete.
-If we have brains in our heads, have a job, and rational perspectives on things, it’s perfectly okay to just toss us aside in favor of someone who needs to be saved.
Just because I don’t know how to make my own clothes, and I know how to form a thought in my brain, and actually, gods forbid EXPRESS my thoughts and opinions, I may as well be a dragon to be pushed off the top of a freaking building.
Susan Sarandon, who has always chosen her roles well in the past, should be ashamed of herself. Same with Amy Adams, who was BRILLIANT in “Junebug.” Same with every single person who does anything for Disney. And shame on me for watching this film.
If you are a woman or know a woman who is even SLIGHTLY above average intelligence, don’t bother putting yourself in the path of this movie.
This movie makes me feel completely worthless. If this is an expression of what the world is like, I don’t want to live in it. I am ashamed to be a human. I wish there was some sort of magic laser that could transform me into some other creature than human. I wish I had an ice pick. If I did, I swear to all that is holy that I would lobotomize this demoralizing movie out of my head. If it failed and I died, it would still be worth it.
If anyone mentions “Disney” to me in anything other than a derogatory manor, I will smack them across their face.
April 11, 2008 at 3:57 am (Uncategorized)
Let me start by telling you flat out that not everyone in Seattle is retarded. Let me proceed by telling you some other things. For instance, when you say, “Thank you for inviting us into your homes,” you are deluding yourself, and you aren’t impressing anyone. You are not in our homes. Nor would I, or anyone NOT caught up in your sense of self-importance, invite you over. You are talking heads, nothing else. When you make quips back and forth to each other during the news, all you are doing is showboating.
Since when did the delivery of the news require self-congratulatory, egoistic bullshit? How many times during a newscast do you really need to repeat your name, or have one of your “co-anchors” say your name?
“I’m Jeff Renner. And now, back to Lori Matsukawa with her story on handmade teddy bear garments. Jeff Renner, over and out. Lori?”
“Thanks for the weather report, Jeff Renner. Nice sweater. Let’s hope for sunshine [polite, yet uncomfortable laughter echoes throughout Seattle]! Hi, I’m Lori Matsukawa, standing under a street light where earlier today, a bicyclist dropped her backpack. Sadly, that backpack contained handmade teddy bear garments for students of Oprah’s Academy of Information Technology and Arts in the Zambezi region of darkest Africa, where apparently, many non-American African-Americans are still awaiting reparations for slavery. I’m Lori Matsukawa. Back to you, Jeff Renner. “
You get the picture.
Beyond the hot tub party indiscretions of Kathi Goertzen at WSU or Jean Enerson’s plastic surgeries (her skin has to be the size of a postal stamp, stretched to near breaking) and reported shoplifting sprees years ago at Nordstrom’s, nobody gives a flying shit about you, or anything you might have to say that isn’t of relevance to the news you are supposed to report.
All the public requires and wants are pleasing voices and (unless you are a man, or an unfortunate field reporter forced to stand knee-deep in frozen cow shit) well-groomed faces telling us what is going on in the world.
Do we notice when you’re feeding us your opinion, or that occasionally you are clearly on the take from certain businesses or other interest groups? Of course we do. Just tonight, right before “My Name Is Earl,” a highly-rated NBC syndicated show, a KING-5 “news” reporter came on to tease the 11 o’clock news. The producer strung together clips showing our state’s governor bitching about the NBA trying to move our asshole basketball team to another state, some other local fluff stories, and then a flat-out plug for McDonald’s. The reporter said, and this is a direct quote, “More free java, and when you can get it under the Golden Arches! At 11 on KING-5 news.”
*edit: it was Dennis Bounds, and it also aired at the :15 break during “Earl.” I double-checked the veracity of the above quote on my Tivo.
I repeat: WE ARE NOT ALL RETARDED.
Stop treating us like we are.
Stop treating us like you are friends of ours. You are not. I don’t trust you in even the loosest sense of the word. You have never given cause for your audience to feel anything other than annoyance, anger at your lax attitudes toward what constitutes “news,” and pity at newbie reporters who are doing things akin to hanging from a toenail into Mt. St. Helens’ crater as it releases a little steam.
And a personal note to Jeff Renner: the sweater thing does not work as a trademark. It worked for Bill Cosby 30 years ago. It does not work for a middle-aged, plump, hypertensive white man who spends 14 or so minutes out of every hour of news to tell us it might rain and it might not.
Kudos to Rich Marriott for telling us the weather without forcing yourself onto us like a used-car salesman with a tired, sorry pitch. A little less information on the birds on the building’s “roof garden” would be appreciated. An aside: reporting from the building’s rooftop may be “on-the-scene” reporting, but it doesn’t exactly pack a punch when you’re out there and it’s dark.
Rebecca Stevenson, what the hell are you doing at King and NWCN?! You are so much better at your job (at least on the air) than anybody else on those stations. Sure, you have the typical blonde-lady weathergirl look, but you don’t act like the stereotype. You sound very educated and authoritative on your subject, and confidence is 90% of your job. You’ve got it, dear. Keep it up! Congratulations on your move and promotion at KIROtv! Keep up the good work. I don’t have a single negative things to say about you, and I have negative things to say about most people.
As a rule, any reporter who is not sitting behind a desk (other than a weatherman standing in front of the green screen) is a tool. There are no exceptions to this rule, and that includes “on-the-scene” reporters who add nothing to a story by standing on the site where “news happened” 12 hours ago, or standing in the middle of a blizzard to report on traffic at the pass.
Let’s talk about man-on-the-street interviews. It won’t be a long conversation. All that needs to be said is: NOBODY CARES WHAT SOME JACKASS ON THE STREET THINKS ABOUT ANYTHING. Nobody. About anything. So stop. Do YOU care what celebrities think about politics? No? You’re starting to get it.
To all reporters, and I cannot emphasize this enough: You_are_not_celebrities. Your presence is not needed or helpful at any event other than maybe charity events like breast cancer walks. Nobody is coming to see YOU. They are going to the car dealership to buy a car. If you get paid to be at a ribbon-cutting ceremony at the new Bulk Foods For Fatties store, more power to you. But please, don’t let it go to your head. Carlene Johnson? You should ask for better lighting when you’re doing those car commercials. Better yet, get your ass back on the radio and off the television. It’s enough that I have to hear your ceaseless prattling on the radio. I don’t want to have to look at you too. Your kids? Nobody cares.
Your names do not lend credibility to anything.
Unless you are out there actually talking to the newsmakers during the day and bringing home and editing your own news footage (like reporters from the not-so-distant past who actually worked for their credibility), you are not a reliable or creditable source. You have interns gather stories from the wire, and sift through piles and piles of press releases to decide what is news. Then you read what they’ve written, fix the typos and figure out pronunciations, and put your name on it. That is the product you are selling. A lot of people buy it, but that doesn’t make it good. A good salesman can sell a ton of shit sandwiches, but the pitch doesn’t make them taste better.
You are given blocks of time by producers, who are often nothing more than glorified interns, in order to provide ample time for traffic and weather and sports scores. Because, let’s be honest, those are the segments that draw in the ratings. And things that draw the ratings draw advertisers, and that’s what SHOULD matter to you. YOU are responsible for making your newscasts interesting. Not your interns, not your producers. YOU. You are the product, and you need to make an effort instead of relying on your minions to make you interesting or relevant. That doesn’t mean stray from the topic and make unfunny, politically-correct and totally safe quips to your coworkers on the air.
What I’m trying to say is, you are the ones who are ultimately responsible for the material you present during every broadcast. It wouldn’t kill you to go out and find a story more relevant to more people than the standard, “John Doe’s shirt got stuck in a fence, and now, sadly, he’s shirtless.” And then go to a reporter live on the scene. Nobody cares. If you’re going to report fluff, find some INTERESTING fluff. Maybe interview some urban explorers, or do a survey. Ask some questions. There are stories out there beyond what you hear on the police scanner.
On the subject of what is news, a daily death tally on the Iraq war is not something you need to be reporting. People can research that on their own. It is depressing, sad, but ultimately it is not news. The death toll remains about the same every day. You don’t report every day that the sun comes up, do you? Why is that? Because it’s the same data every day? Right. If there’s a huge increase in deaths, or a huge decrease, that’s news. If it’s the same number every day, it loses its significance and loses its emotional impact. It becomes routine. Also, keep in mind that if news reporting during World War Two was like it is now, I guarantee you we’d all be speaking German.
And KOMO radio “personalities” (that’s what they call themselves, no shit!): nobody cares about your personality either. Just read the fucking copy they hand you and stop pretending anyone gives a fuck what your name is. We don’t. We want to hear what we need to hear, without all the fluff you shove down our throats.
Nobody likes being force-fed. And you ARE force-feeding us. If you are going to treat us like retards, at least feed us banana pudding and give us some fucking bibs and some napkins to wipe off our retarded chins.
There you have it. I hope everyone is well and that the itching behind Jean’s ears isn’t too bad this week. I hope they let her back into Nordstrom’s sometime soon.
What’s that, Jeff Renner’s Sweater? Oh okay. Grab the shotgun and bring in the cat. It looks like rain.
You each have a standing invitation to eat me. Get in line, shitbags!
Sincerely,
the staff of “Line Up To Eat Me”
April 3, 2008 at 6:18 am (Uncategorized)
Have you noticed that Alan Thicke’s voice is all over the TV? He’s voicing Comedy Central, he’s voicing a bunch of other stations and commercials too.
Has this been going on for a long time and I didn’t notice? Perhaps it’s the law of attraction (*cough BULLSHIT!!*), and I’m just noticing Alan Thicke’s voice as my Tivo has started recording Growing Pains every day. I watch it when I’m barely awake, and marvel at the acting prowess of religious sociopatch Kirk Cameron, and feel sorry for the kid who played Ben. He started out as a moderately cute little kid, and then had to go through a very awkward puberty on television, with writers who were clearly (and I’m borrowing from “A Christmas Story” here) under the delusion that he was a darling little rascal up to the hijinks of a sweet little 8 year-old. When he was approaching 18.
I’m not even going to talk about poor Tracy Gold, who was never even SLIGHTLY overweight, but those writers wrote fat jokes about her as SHE went through puberty on television, driving her to a life-threatening eating disorder.
If Alan Thicke’s career has a comeback, it seems, however illogically, that he’s dancing on the corpses of the show’s former children’s innocences. That sounds harsh, and Alan Thicke didn’t write the show or direct it or anything. I still blame the adults on that show for not speaking up and telling the writers and producers to 86 the fat jokes on the sensitive teenage girl who is being judged by an entire country of stupid people, and who had to think about every last white-trash child-molester’s opinion of her. Because frankly, those are the types of people who tend to be the squeaky wheels. Those are the types of people who make comments listened to by impressionable girls with bad self-images. Today, I saw Tracey Gold make a “pig” joke about herself on that show. They made her make pig jokes. About herself. And she was skinny.
Way to kill off entire cross-sections of America’s youth, my beloved 80s sitcoms! I sat back and watched it all happen, and now, I can’t figure out why. That’s why my tivo records all the sitcoms I watched and loved and learned from (hell, i had an absent father, a hardworking mother, and an executive for a stepfather. I was home ALL the time, alone). I’d go so far as to say the influx of sitcoms were more parental to me, teaching me the difference between right and wrong, not to read other people’s diaries, etc. They were my parents, and it hurts me to deconstruct them.
I suppose I’ll stop this ramble and just end by saying, I wish those actors well, and that their sacrificed childhoods ARE still appreciated, and I’d love to take you guys out for a brewsky and not talk about what it was like to grow up making money by having strangers make you do stuff that made you feel bad.
You pooor. poorrr bastards
Look me up and I’ll buy. As long as you’re in Seattle.
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