I intend to make a full post regarding Christian “saints,” the process and criteria for canonization, their life stories, and other such drivel.
For now, though, let it suffice to say that every last one of them was:
a. hopped up on some sweet-ass doobies
b. tripping on peyote, mushrooms, and/or other hallucinogens
c. crazy as a shithouse rat
d. any combination and/or ALL of the above
Seriously. By early Christian standards, we should have canonized Denis Leary back when he was still funny, along with George Carlin (who IS still funny), and Ken Kesey**. Reading the New Testament is like reading fuckin Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but with more sandals and less LSD.
Although I’m not entirely convinced they didn’t have access to some primo LSD on Patmos when fucking John the Divine wrote down his hallucination and called it a message from God.
More later, when I am more pissed off about the whole situation. Right now I’m just sort of sleepy. Earlier, I was on a regular rampage. When I’m sleepy and angry at the same time, I tend to make blanket statements and then refuse to back anything up with facts or other documentation.
I might also have to talk about some Coptic trips too. Those people were fucking CRAZY!!! Their writings make as much sense as Stalin’s allegiance with Hitler.
EDIT:
**Ken Kesey was the keynote speaker at one of my college graduation ceremonies. He was reading from a stack of papers (it’s such a nightmare when someone heads to the podium with like a REAM of paper they’re planning to read!), but had to stop his speech midway through because he ran out of paper. He then turned to the Board of Regents on the stage and asked, “Have any of you seen the rest of my story?” They shook their heads, “No,” and Kesey just walked away.
Best_speech_ever.
